July 28, 2008

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Real Time Espy’s Blog

By: realbigfathead

BY JD BUTTERS

Well, the Oscars of the sporting world, the Espys, came off last Friday night in LA. In the galaxy of the Espys, the worlds of entertainment and sports collide in a manner that isn’t duplicated at any other event. For us residents of LA, it brings in athletes from all corners of the sports world. In fact, I ran into Greg Oden at the mall on Saturday! Of course, for once in my life, I didn’t have my camera on me. But I digress. Like many of the Oscar pundits and analysts who watch with pen and pad in hand, I thought I would do the same, and give my analysis of this year’s broadcast. Check it out – be sure to write in and let me know what YOUR favorite moments of this year’s excellent show were!

9:05 – Already, I can tell Justin Timberlake is going to do an excellent job. JT is the entertainment equivalent of a five-tool player, and he handled his opening remarks with aplomb, showing excellent comedic timing. And for all you chumps who’ll say some junk like “you lose your man privileges for fawning over JT like that,” I will simply say, game recognizes game.

9:10 – OK, what in tarnation is Danica Patrick WEARING?? I don’t even know what to describe it as! Is it a onesy? Is it a pantsuit with shorts? Beach wear?

9:33 – I don’t know if it’s purposeful, but Greg Oden is really getting a lot of mileage, and some good imaging, out of what appears to be a good sense of humor and a fun-loving, self-deprecating attitude. Look for him to help fill that gap when Shaq retires. Without the rapping, hopefully.

9:49 – Wow, Posh can actually crease that dour mug of hers into a smile. FASCINATING! How did a cat that seems as cool as Becks end up with THIS Cruella DeVille?

9:52 – I don’t care if she deserves to win for Best Breakthrough Athlete, but I hope she does just so I can see more Ana Ivanovic!

9:53 – DAMN that Adrian Peterson!!!

9:54 – OK, this Host Auditions Part I with Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly is one of the funniest things I’ve seen this year. Their list of demands is both ridiculous and sublime!

10:02 – Steve Nash is super dapper in his grey 3-pc. suit. He’d BETTER be dapper, with that hair.

10:12 – John Carlos and Tommie Smith winning the Arthur Ashe Courage Award was one of those great moments that demonstrates how sports can transcend sport.

10:31 – I don’t know if he’s gonna win for Best Play, but Rick Nash looked like Harry Houdini on this goal. That was the hockey equivalent of breaking someone’s ankles!!

10:32 – From the look on his face, Nash was expecting to win.

10:33 – Wow, Eli Manning was actually glib during the acceptance speech. In other news, the forecast in hell is calling for heavy snow.

10:38 – OK, Host Auditions Part II are, again, HIGH-larious. I mean, who would have ever thought we would hear Joba Chamberlain sing Luther. And Greg Oden’s stone-faced “people tell me I’m hilarious. I’m like ‘yeah. . . .cool” is the comedic highlight of the entire broadcast.

11:18 – How weird. Just like the last Sopranos episode, my TV cut out right before they announced the winner of the Best Team award. Probably wasn’t anybody good anyway.