August 13, 2010

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Hello, Kitty

By: Jess

The cute little white cat with the red bow first appeared on a vinyl coin purse in Japan in 1975. In 1976 Sanrio brought her to the United States, and today she can be found on everything from clothing to appliances, from motor oil to mini pizzas, from wedding cakes to beer steins. In fact, her feline empire is worth more that $1 billion dollars (that’ll buy a lot of balls of yarn). In Japan there are not just one but TWO Hello Kitty theme parks.

Soon she will become a Fathead. So Hello Kitty fans from Tokyo to Toledo will be able to grab a chilled glass of “Angel White” Hello Kitty wine from their Hello Kitty refrigerator, curl up in their Hello Kitty arm chair with their Hello Kitty Snuggie and admire their life size vinyl wall graphic from none other than Fathead.

Join me and welcoming the newest member to the Real. Big. Family. Youkoso Kitty! (That’s welcome in Japanese.)



July 9, 2010

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It has been confirmed…. again

By: Sparty

The/a higher power has spoke yet again……Cleveland is truly hated.

“The Drive”.  Elway slices up the Browns in the final 5 minutes if the game for 98 yds and a go-ahead TD to win the 86-87 AFC Championship game.

“The Fumble”. in the following season, 87-88 AFC Championship game, Earnest Byner, with just a minute left in the game coughed up the rock trying to punch in what was to be a game tying touchdown…..the Broncos recovered and went on to beat the Browns IN CLEVELAND for a second straight year and AFC title game.  Bullocks!

“The Shot” Jordan in the 89 Eastern Conference finals game 5…..3.2 ticks left.  Making it 3 straight years of a professional Cleveland sports team getting kick in the family jewels within minutes/seconds of potentially playing for a title.  OUCH.

“Game 7”, the 1997 World Series, the favored Tribe (Indians) actually lead 2-1 heading into the bottom of the 9th inning….three friggin outs away from winning a title,….nope.  The Marlins come back to tie it, then take it in the 11th inning.  The Marlins were only a 5 year old franchise.  OUCH!!!

“LeBronnedict James Arnold”, 2010.  Turncoat.  ‘Nuff said.

The Sports God(s) plain and simply do NOT like Cleveland.  Period.

July 8, 2010

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Talent vs. Hype

By: Jessica

Why do companies choose to advertise media endorsed players rather than the real talented athletes with a humbled personality and love of the game? That may sound like I am pertaining to a certain example, and maybe I am.  On that note, a prime example is Reggie Bush vs Drew Brees.  If your going to choose a player to be the face of a team why not choose a more talented player with true leadership skills, heart, and a humble, selfless personality; one who personifies the perfect player aka Drew Brees.  Instead, I seem to see Reggie Bush everywhere.  I am from Louisiana and I can firmly say that Bush I highly overrated, over publicized, and is not worth what the Saints are paying for him. To be honest the second person in line behind Drew Brees, and in a close race with Jeremy Shockey, is Pierre Thomas.  A very underrated back who showed a promising performance in the Saints Super Bowl victory over Indianapolis.  Now getting back to Drew Brees.  This guy is the ONLY reason the Saints even made it past their first postseason game.  Brees took this team from the Aints to a championship team with his pinpoint accuracy, poise in the pocket, and his attitude to never give up.  I rest my case, this is no contest.

July 7, 2010

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Charles’ Warning to ‘Murrica: ModaNO!

By: Charles

Boys and girls, it’s time we discussed the most terrifying threat to our national security. This is the most sinister Commie plot ever conceived. No, not the fluoridation of our water, but the very real possibility that Mike Modano AKA “Livonia Jesus” might return to the parched and barren pastures which he once called home: the greater Detroit Metropolitan area. In Modano’s inspiring and Hall of Fame career, he has managed to disentangle himself from the shackles of his evil roots and become possibly the greatest American to ever play the game, but now that he is a free agent, he might make his way back to Mordor and sign with the Legion of Doom (with Lex Luthor, Brainiac, Todd Bertuzzi, and, most diabolical of all, Tomas Holmström- the umlauts let you know how truly evil he is).

Why, you might ask, would I write such incendiary comments from my spacious cubicle in Livonia? Because the people deserve to know the truth, and I, your dutiful intern/investigative journalist behind enemy lines is the only one to tell the world. Mike Modano is a beacon of hope in our times of despair, and his reputation cannot be tarnished by a slanderous association with the Axis of Evil. If, by some contrivance, some hell-born deception, the Sith Lords announce the Golden One’s return to the Land-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named, then we will know the truth: Mike Modano has been captured by evildoers and, in a commie PR stunt, a cosmetic-surgically enhanced Russian body double has signed in his place.

And yes, if you couldn’t tell, I grew up in the Heartland of Hockey, the epicenter of the modern game, the TRUE Hockeytown, Plano, Texas.

Daily SAT Prep:

Try to keep up, this is a tough one,

: : as

Plano: Center of the Hockey Universe


Questions, Comments, Concerns, and Clown Jokes:

Supposedly Bosh and Wade have agreed to terms with Miami, and allegedly BronBron will make an announcement tomorrow night on ESPN. Then again last night I watched in amazement as a reporter announced that he would be announcing news that LeBron had announced when he would be announcing his announcement, after the break. (Feel free to reread that sentence, it was a doozy) I’ll believe all of this when I see it. I’m still expecting this hoopla (hoopla- get it!) to last until at least the All-Star break. Then again The Collection-of-Less-Than-Savory-Characters might make a power move to try and get The Other Chosen One onto their roster of miscreants and hooligans as a fourth line winger along with Modano.

In World Cup news, the Dutch made quite a push for relevancy in the who-gets-to-get-crushed-in-the-Final showdown (I really do want them to win). Despite an AWESOME bicycle kick to the face, the Flying Dutchmen crushed the Uruguayans to relegate all of South America out of the Cup, leaving only Europeans to continue feeling superior to the rest of the world in every way.

On a surprising note, BP is still making its post-apocalyptic industrial wasteland film staring Kevin Costner (named OilWorld) and Tiger Woods still hates the press.

And, most importantly: Peace. Love. Modano. And Fatheads.

July 1, 2010

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Charles’ LeBronathon: Day 1

By: Charles

So it begins.

The day that ESPN has been hyping since about 6 minutes after Lebron inked his first deal is finally here! Everyone and their mother became a free agent at midnight last night including: LeBron, DWade, Chris Bosh, Nowitzki, Joe Johnson, Amare, Dwight, Shaq, Ghandi, Magic, Jordan, Bird, Benny the Jet Rodriguez, Elway, Koufax, Vince Chase, Butkus, Obama, Federer, Jim Joyce, Landis, Hammurabi, Bonaparte, Buonarroti, Spock,  and finally, who may be called the Crowned Jewel of the class, Elizabeth II.

Chaos is currently reigning supreme in the NBA, and I for one hope that BronBron and Co collude to their hearts content, form their own team in Akron, name themselves the MonStars, and vie for interstellar basketball domination.

Questions, Comments, Concerns, and Clown Jokes:

Federer has been eliminated by nobodys in two consecutive majors. WHAT? I like him so much better when he was the Terminator.

First Annual BP vs LeBron race. I think you can figure out the rules. If Brett Favre decides his future first then no one wins and the end of days is nigh. And yes, if you were wondering- BP is indeed still trying to kill the earth and LeBron is still on the loose.

And for our younger fans practicing for the SAT:

BP is to LeBron as is to  

And, as always: Peace. Love. Fatheads.