November 7, 2008
Whether anticipating election results through polls or prognosticating with a Tarot deck, years of election forecasts have proven only one thing: no one’s ever right 100% of the time. Unless, of course, you happen to be Fathead. Like we are. By forecasting Barack Obama’s landslide victory over John McCain weeks before the first ballots were even cast, our company – best known for life-size sports and entertainment wall graphics – proved to be the real prognosticating McCoy…batting .1000 out of the gate.
So how did Fathead pull off this incredible feat of fortunetelling? Quite simple. After an especially tiresome product planning meeting that devolved into the staff taking turns doing voice impressions of the Presidential candidates, the metaphorical light bulb appeared aver the conference room table. We all thought it, regardless who said it out loud. The idea, articulated, was to produce wall graphics of the candidates. The election season had already dragged on for over a year-and-a-half and was receiving near constant media coverage. As the two most recognizable faces on the planet, the Democratic and Republican nominees would fly off the shelves! (Sadly, the Mike Seaver and Richard “Boner” Stabone Growing Pains wall graphics were put on hold in favor of producing the candidates.)
Both politicians were thrilled with the idea and immediately agreed to becoming Fathead wall graphics. (Both were also amazingly good sports about the inevitable “Fathead” Fatheads jabs.) Soon, the new wall graphics were for sale at Fathead.com, accompanied by an unofficial poll offering people the opportunity to “vote early” for their favorite candidate. From the first vote forward, Obama held a commanding lead over McCain and maintained a healthy cushion between them for the duration of the seemingly endless election.
Both politicians took advantage of their vinyl surrogates in imaginative ways you’d never expect from government employees After the election, disgruntled campaign staffers told us that McCain spent hours in his office aboard the Straight Talk Express making hilarious faces at the Obama Fathead, attempting to get them out of his system before each debate. Rumor has it Sarah Palin also employed a McCain Fathead during debate training, where she rehearsed looking into his eyes and repeating the mantra “maverick” without doubling over in hysterical laughter. After McCain suspended his campaign to focus on the $700 bailout bill and announced his intention to skip the first debate, Obama’s advance team took action – creative action. Had McCain not appeared for the debate, the nation would have witnessed his Fathead behind the podium while Obama soaked up the love center stage on national television.
With election season in full swing and Fathead moving full steam ahead through the typical hurly-burly of an online retail business heading into the fourth quarter, our team decided to make some election news of our own and declared Barack Obama the winner. So how did we know? Quite simply: we sold out of Obama Fathead wall graphics weeks before the election! Similar Presidential predictions have been made over the years based upon the sale of candidate Halloween masks. The candidate whose masks move off the shelves the fastest tend to win the election. If companies were bound by the same age restrictions as voters, Fathead would be unable to cast a ballot for fifteen years. The 2008 decision being the first election in our young company’s history, we were intent on making a little history of their own.
So with a perfect 1-1 record, will Fathead launch a foray into the prognosticating business? Only the volume of Obama and Palin wall graphics sold during the 2012 election will tell us for sure!
Disclaimer: Although written by a Fathead employee, the opinions expressed in this email do not reflect those of Fathead, LLC nor does the company accept any responsibility for anything that comes from this writer’s pen or mouth. Stories attributed to individual candidates might be true – although who can really say what’s true or not these days? The important thing is that the essence of the story – that Fathead predicted Obama’s REAL.BIG. win – is undeniably factual.