Boys and girls, it’s time we discussed the most terrifying threat to our national security. This is the most sinister Commie plot ever conceived. No, not the fluoridation of our water, but the very real possibility that Mike Modano AKA “Livonia Jesus” might return to the parched and barren pastures which he once called home: the greater Detroit Metropolitan area. In Modano’s inspiring and Hall of Fame career, he has managed to disentangle himself from the shackles of his evil roots and become possibly the greatest American to ever play the game, but now that he is a free agent, he might make his way back to Mordor and sign with the Legion of Doom (with Lex Luthor, Brainiac, Todd Bertuzzi, and, most diabolical of all, Tomas Holmström- the umlauts let you know how truly evil he is).

Why, you might ask, would I write such incendiary comments from my spacious cubicle in Livonia? Because the people deserve to know the truth, and I, your dutiful intern/investigative journalist behind enemy lines is the only one to tell the world. Mike Modano is a beacon of hope in our times of despair, and his reputation cannot be tarnished by a slanderous association with the Axis of Evil. If, by some contrivance, some hell-born deception, the Sith Lords announce the Golden One’s return to the Land-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named, then we will know the truth: Mike Modano has been captured by evildoers and, in a commie PR stunt, a cosmetic-surgically enhanced Russian body double has signed in his place.

And yes, if you couldn’t tell, I grew up in the Heartland of Hockey, the epicenter of the modern game, the TRUE Hockeytown, Plano, Texas.

Daily SAT Prep:

Try to keep up, this is a tough one,

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Plano: Center of the Hockey Universe

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Questions, Comments, Concerns, and Clown Jokes:

Supposedly Bosh and Wade have agreed to terms with Miami, and allegedly BronBron will make an announcement tomorrow night on ESPN. Then again last night I watched in amazement as a reporter announced that he would be announcing news that LeBron had announced when he would be announcing his announcement, after the break. (Feel free to reread that sentence, it was a doozy) I’ll believe all of this when I see it. I’m still expecting this hoopla (hoopla- get it!) to last until at least the All-Star break. Then again The Collection-of-Less-Than-Savory-Characters might make a power move to try and get The Other Chosen One onto their roster of miscreants and hooligans as a fourth line winger along with Modano.

In World Cup news, the Dutch made quite a push for relevancy in the who-gets-to-get-crushed-in-the-Final showdown (I really do want them to win). Despite an AWESOME bicycle kick to the face, the Flying Dutchmen crushed the Uruguayans to relegate all of South America out of the Cup, leaving only Europeans to continue feeling superior to the rest of the world in every way.

On a surprising note, BP is still making its post-apocalyptic industrial wasteland film staring Kevin Costner (named OilWorld) and Tiger Woods still hates the press.

And, most importantly: Peace. Love. Modano. And Fatheads.

I’ve been in the market for a new house for a couple of months now. I must admit that my girlfriend and I are suckers for House Hunters and My First Place and other House shows on HGTV. For the guys out there that don’t always like frilly throw pillows with matching crown molding trim, it would be cool to see some Fathead rooms for the sports fans out there. Or better yet, design a room around the colors of your favorite sports team. Don’t know if that would make for a good show or not. Maybe an idea like that would be received better on Garage Mahal or Man Caves. I still think it would be cool to have something like that as an option on the shows. I guess not all women would think a huge Pavel Datsyuk Fathead would look good on a wall with Red Wings colors and imagery everywhere. It would be cool to have a section on the home décor link that has paint colors and other ideas for making any room into my favorite sports room. My girlfriend can have her frilly throw pillows just as long as I can have my favorite team and colors on my walls.

Last night, Duke beat Butler for its fourth NCAA Championship, making Duke the most frequent NCAA Champion of the last twenty years.

In the past, this would have killed me.  Duke, North Carolina, the New York Yankees, the Dallas Cowboys, the Los Angeles Lakers — the teams that consistently won, and the teams with national appeal — these were teams I despised.  And why wouldn’t I?  They had rained on my parade so many times by beating my lowly teams that I believed I was justified in disliking them.

Additionally, I questioned how a team could have national appeal.  Shouldn’t you always support your hometown team, even if you move away from your hometown?  All those Yankees fans in Iowa surely were not born in New York City.

As I’ve matured, however, I have grown a greater understanding of people and their team loyalties.  Many started like mine, born out of proximity to the team’s home field/stadium/arena.  I am a Detroit Tigers fan because they were based closer than any other MLB team to the house in which I was raised.

But my parents were also Detroit Tigers fans.  What if they were Red Sox fans?  Would I be following Boston?  Or what if my first baseball game experience was at Wrigley Field?  Would the Cubs have a special enough place in my heart that I could be a Chicago fan?  I now understand that there are many reasons behind people’s fanship. 

Further, I’ve also realized that every game is better because of these relentlessly winning franchises.  Without dominant teams like Duke, we would never have wonderful David vs. Goliath stories like we had last night when Butler faced Duke.  Sure, last night, Goliath won.  But without Goliaths, we would be stuck with a lot of David vs. David stories, which, I think we all can agree, would be so much less fun.

Yes, I used to be a hater.  But now I’ve grown to appreciate the big, dominant, national teams.  I might never root for one (outside of my hometown Red Wings), but I can respect them and their fans.  And I believe that every game is better because of them.

The Men’s Final Four are set and they’re headed to Detroit which is right in Fathead’s front yard. As the number one sports city in America, Detroit takes great pride in hosting these sorts of events: The MLB All Star game, the Super Bowl and now the Final Four in a matter of just a couple of years. The Pistons, Red Wings and Tigers have all contributed to civic pride in the past few years by bringing post-season games and championships to the city.

Now the Michigan State Spartans have the chance to shine in front of the home-town faithful. I’ll admit that I didn’t pick MSU to win it all this year when I filled in my bracket a couple of weeks ago but I did have them making it this far. After these last two games I’m starting to believe that joining President Obama in my selection of North Carolinato emerge as national champions may not have been the best call. In fact, I’d gladly give up a bracket win for the much more meaningful victory of Sparty at Ford Field.

This raises in my mind the reasons we pick the teams we do when we fill out our brackets. Logic would seem to dictate that the largely more knowledgeable tournament selection committee does the seeding to represent those in the best position to advance and we should all just pick the number one seeds for the final four. We also know that it rarely turns out that way though this year it turned out pretty close to the truth. We all want our teams to win and it’s just really hard to accept that they might not. I spent eight years teaching at the University of Oklahoma and I always want the Sooners to do well. When I picked UConnto beat OU in the regional finals I was going against what my emotions wanted me to do and listening to what my brain and the selection committee told me was most likely to happen. Did I feel good when UConn advanced and my bracket standing went up – not really. Should we just embrace the madness that is March and forget about the seeding?

For now, yes. May the home team win! Let the people of Detroit and Michigan celebrate again! I know I’d rather see the Spartans win than be right about picking some teams I don’t really care about.