The REAL. BIG. Blog

The New Orleans Saints are set to meet the Indianapolis Colts in the Super Bowl on Sunday.  I can’t wait to watch it, but I must say that I really don’t care which team comes out on top.  Two great teams, two great quarterbacks — it should be a lot of fun.

I’m sure that over the last week or so you’ve heard the Saints fans’ rallying cry:  “Who dat, who dat, who dat say gonna beat dem Saints,” which is most often shortened to just “Who dat.”  It’s fun, it’s catchy, and it’s great to see fans of New Orleans unified through it.

Grammatically, however, it’s a nightmare.  Thus, I would like to suggest that everyone abandon it and begin chanting this:  “Who is that?  Who is that?  Who, have they said, is going to beat those Saints?”

As this gains familiarity, I believe you’ll find that it has a great rhythm to it and, more importantly, that grammar teachers across America are much happier.

By Anthony Ellison

I recently ordered a life-size Peyton Manning Fathead. This is a big step for me because he is, quite simply, a hero. MY hero. Now he’s my Fathead too. There are other Fathead wall graphics of Peyton out there…but this one is mine. Not only is he the athlete of the century in my book, but also one of the most humble and hard working people in the history of the game. The question that now confronts me is where to hang Peyton to optimize his “decorative dominance” in my apartment?

On The Wall Behind My Computer:

Pros:There is a huge open space in my room and I cannot imagine a better “space filler” (for lack of an appropriately godly term). He would become the focal point of the room (as if Peyton has never been the focal point of a room). His drop back will naturally be against the wall, much like it was when he pulled off the greatest comeback in the history of the NFL playoffs, overcoming a 21-3 first quarter deficit against the Patriots two seasons back.

Cons: As a writer, I’m not sure I can handle those omniscient eyes burning a hole right through my heart while I try to concentrate on my craft, my less worthy subject matter. Peyton will dwarf subject matter that I am piddling around with at any given time. Plus, I fear I will find myself asking for his advice on many of life’s obstacles, like:

“Where does the sun go when it’s dark, Peyton?”

“Hey, Peyton? How can I tell when I’m being used for my body?”

“I’m thinking about changing professions in an unstable economy – is that smart or should I wait until after the election?”

On The Wall Directly Behind My Mirror:

Pros: Every time I am prepping my hair and face to go to work, Peyton will be there to shotgun me into the new day, his “always examine the field and be ready to pull the trigger” stance behind me all the way. You see, he preps himself all year for the moment of truth and when that moment arrives, he doesn’t have to think. He simply reacts and fulfills his prior visualization. Hopefully, there will come a time when I’m nervously prepping my tuxedo to go to an awards ceremony for my next screenplay and he will be there. Behind me in the mirror, he’ll remind me, “You don’t get anywhere without dredging around for hours in the trenches. You earned this!” (I’m sure he has said that at some point.)

Cons: He might inspire in me such a level of confidence that I overshadow my superiors – causing them to feel threatened and lash out at me. The fact of the matter is, I’m just not as humble and true to the spirit of the game as Peyton.

On The Wall In The Hallway Facing The Front Door:

Pros: I will be sharing the inspiration with anyone who walks into my apartment. Visitors will subconsciously take on the “team first” mentality and do whatever it takes to make each other happy. It’s almost as if Peyton will cause everyone to check their bad attitudes at the door. That’s something I always try to remember, but frequently forget. But Peyton…he doesn’t forget. He doesn’t even have to say it. His eyes say it. And if my visitors are not willing to rise up and put their heart on the line, then they’ll just have to turn around and leave. Peyton will weed out my bad friends for me. Perfect.

Cons: Can’t think of one. We have a winner.